In a conversation a
couple of days ago someone asked me 'what is Yoga?'
I had to stop and wait
for a moment because the answer for me has changed over the years.
When I first started to
practise Yoga asana I used to strive to become more flexible, strong
and achieve more. I enjoyed making beautiful shapes with my body
would be pleased with myself when I stretched a bit further or learnt
how to stand on my head ;) But there was always something else that I
wanted. I was never quite satisfied. I thought about how this related
to my life this feeling of there's something not quite right yet. If
I could only earn this much, if I could only find a boyfriend who
could be a bit more understanding, if only I had more friends, if
only I could lose 10 pounds, if if if only. My Yoga practise was a
reflection of my life. Bursts of achieving and feeling great and then
needing more and feeling dissatisfied until I achieved it.
Once I realised that
this is not how I wanted my Yoga practise or my life to be I stopped
using my practise as a way of getting something. It became an enquiry
into the intelligence of the body. I became aware of what was
actually happening instead of what I wanted to be happening or what I
thought should be happening. I was allowing myself to move out of the
mind and into the body. I gradually began to accept whatever I was
feeling – pain, pleasure, excitement, anger and gradually realised
these sensations were neither bad or good. As soon as I labelled them
as something I was back in the mind.
As I started to let go
on the mat naturally I began to let go of other things in my life.
Ideas, beliefs, judgements. I realised that ever since I was born
ideas about what's right, wrong, real, true had all been imposed upon
me. I started to look at what I believed and questioned it. Thoughts in
my mind... were they mine? Or were they my parents, my teachers the
Government etc... Inside of yourself is where you can find the
answers to all that is important and true. You are intelligence. You
don't need to read books or go to uni to become wise.
There is nothing more
satisfying then recognising that you are perfect as you are. You are
where you are meant to be. Whatever you are feeling or thinking is
part of the journey that you have to be on. One day you may come to
realise or you may realise already that to feel deeply satisfied in
life you do not need to make loads of money, have 100s of friends,
have a big house or a flashy car. You may come to realise that by dropping
what you think you are and know you will come to know who you really
are and how beautiful and perfect you have always been.
SO now when I think
about what Yoga is.... it is everything. I cannot separate yoga from
how I live, eat, speak or move. It is awareness of what is happening
in the body and mind. It is the honesty in accepting that. It is
about the intention behind every move I make, every word I speak,
every thought I send out. If your intentions are honest, noble,
truthful and you mean well you are practising Yoga.
'When your intentions
are noble and honourable, even if your plan does not come to fruition
you will be rewarded for the purity of your ideals (Diana Cooper).'
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